The Funeral

[michael]

The Funeral



Douglas had been expecting the funeral; not with any anticipation but a sense of inevitability. His father, that once strong pillar of a man, had been ill for some months and his doctor had told him, after much probing, that it was terminal. Of course Douglas, along with the rest of the family, had gone along with the “you’ll get over it; back to normal; good as new” farce, but both he and his father knew that was not true. Consequently, his father, in his usual methodical way, had made provision for his inevitable demise, even down to the choice of hymns and type of hearse. Douglas had not been surprised by his reaction. His father had always been one to organise things and expected to have it done his way. Douglas had always looked up to his father and his father, in turn, adored his only son. To say they were practically inseparable would be no exaggeration and so Douglas was affected deeply by his loss.

But here they were; gathering at the Church on a dull, slightly chilly Thursday morning in September, everyone looking suitably sombre both in dress and deportment.

Douglas was somewhat surprised at the number of people who had already arrived at the Church. Some he knew, the friends and neighbours naturally, and he recognised a number of his father’s fellow golfers from the club.

Douglas had arrived with his mother, or rather step-mother (she hated that appellation and much preferred that he simply called her Janet) together with Stephanie, her daughter by a previous marriage,. Both had taken considerable trouble with their funereal costume and were now pleased that they presented the right blend of style and decorum for any photographers who were present.

A man who could have been in his early 60’s came over to them.

“Mrs. Mitchell, may I offer our condolences on your sad loss. Bob was a great chap, we will all miss him a lot”.

“Thank you, I appreciate that” replied Janet. As the man returned to his group she whispered to Douglas “Who was that?”

“Someone from the Golf Club I suppose, I don’t know his name” was Douglas’s rather disinterested response. He was looking around the gathering number of people.

“Ah, there’s Uncle Keith and Avril. They are coming over”.

A tall man wearing an obviously quite expensive overcoat and accompanied by a rather dumpy lady approached them.

“Keith, Avril, so glad to see you again. I wondered if you would come” gushed Janet.

“As Bob’s elder brother I’m hardly likely to miss his funeral, am I?” came the terse reply.

“No, of course not, it’s just that….Who’s that!” Janet broke off in mid-sentence to glare across the road.

“You know very well who she is” said Douglas in exasperation, “it’s Rachel and I invited her here”.

“This is ridiculous” fumed Janet, “why invite Bob’s ex to our funeral?”

“It’s not our funeral; it’s Dad’s and she is my mother” pointed out Douglas.

“She has every right to be here” interjected Keith. “After all, she knew Bob as well as anyone”.

“But he divorced her!” fumed Janet.

“Technically, she divorced him and you were the prime cause of it” Keith corrected her. “Just like a solicitor to quibble over little details” said Janet huffily.

At this point the hearse arrived and the funeral director, the very model of solemnity and order, proceeded to arrange the cortege.
“Upon a signal from the Vicar I shall proceed up the isle, followed by the coffin and pall bearers and thereafter the family in order of precedence”.
“I must be next because I am his widow” stated Janet defiantly.                                                                          “I suppose I should be next because I was married to Bob” cut in Rachel.
“Was is the operative word” declared Janet, “You come last”.
“Technically, I should be next, being a blood relative”, this from Keith.
“So what about me?” queried Rachel. “You come with me mother; after all, I am his son”.
“I can’t follow the coffin alone, I need support” demanded Janet. “Stephanie, you come with me, and don’t slouch!”.

“Avril, you and I will bring up the rear, and do try and keep up”, Keith was aware that the funeral director was looking at his watch.
The church was well filled by now. The funeral director stood in the doorway and gave a nod to the Vicar, the Vicar gave a nod to the organist who started the chosen introductory music, the Vicar then gave a nod to the funeral director who in turn gave a nod to the pall bearers and the funeral party slowly made their way up the isle.

Upon reaching the altar steps Janet took a position in the front pew making sure that she and Stephanie were nearest to the isle, thus forcing Rachel and Douglas to move into the second row. The service was accomplished with a precision that would have made Bob proud. Douglas delivered a faultless reading and Keith gave a eulogy that should have ensured a Sainthood to his brother upon his Heavenly arrival. The congregation sang lustily and the Vicar was thankfully audible.

The service completed, the family moved to the graveyard to witness the interment. They were surprised by the hasty arrival of a young woman also dressed for a funeral.
“So sorry to be late, but I had difficulty in finding the church” she apologised.

“Don’t worry, you found us in the end” sympathised Douglas.
“Oh good, I would hate to miss my father’s funeral” came the startling reply.

“You must be mistaken, this is Bob Mitchell’s funeral” Janet stated firmly.
“ I know, I am Carol, the daughter he could never publicly acknowledge”.

“This is ridiculous, you can’t be, Bob would never…..You are a fraud, it’s a trick!” stormed Janet.

“Now calm down, Janet” cut in Keith “This young lady is quite right, Bob did have another daughter which none of you knew about. In a way I am glad that she has finally come forward, although this is hardly the best time”.

“She could not have chosen a worse time” interjected Rachel, “we’ll sort this out later”.

Sensing that things were getting a bit out of hand, the Vicar reminded them that they were gathered for a solemn occasion and performed the necessary short service, at the end of which he asked Janet if she would care to cast a handful of earth into the grave. ”Yes, I’ll throw a sod on the sod” was her tart reply.

[michael]

Continuation:
It was then time to make their way to the hall where the wake was to be held. Since they were travelling in different cars it was not possible for Janet to quiz Keith on how it was that he knew about the existence of Carol and she did not, but she lost no time once they had arrived.
“Who is this Carol, and how do we know if she is genuine?”
“She is Bob’s daughter because he told me about her in strictest confidence” replied Keith. “She is the result of an affair he had with a married woman also working at DLC before he met you. She could not leave her husband, but Bob was happy to acknowledge paternity and never lost contact with her and her mother. I think he felt a degree of responsibility and wanted to make it up to her in some way”.

Douglas had joined Carol and was questioning her for his own satisfaction.
“You are something of a shock to the family; are you really my half-sister?”
“I’m afraid so. Mum did not explain things to me until after Dad’s death, well, as it turns out he wasn’t my Dad but Mum’s husband, if you see what I mean”.
“But how did you feel once you knew the truth?”
“Mum showed me some of your father’s letters and told me how he had been sending money after Dad’s death”.
Douglas was beginning to get the picture but he had a further question.
“And how did you receive news of my Dad’s death and the funeral date and place?”
“We had a long and explicit letter from your Uncle Keith in which he said that he had important information to impart to me in person”.

Douglas wanted to have words with his uncle in private but the hall was now abuzz with people eating and drinking and seeking to offer their condolences and reminiscences. Two men button-holed Douglas:
“We worked with your father at DLC. He was a straight forward sort of man; you knew where you were with Bob”.
“Really? I’m pleased to hear it” Douglas replied, thinking “you don’t know the half of it”. Meanwhile, with a large glass of gin & tonic in her hand, Rachel seized the opportunity to have words with Janet.
“I cannot believe that you knew nothing about this Carol person. She and Bob were obviously in contact with each other” was her opening salvo.
“I can assure you that it has come as a complete surprise to me. Bob never even mentioned her name” retorted Janet.
“But they must have written to each other! Particularly around her birthday” Rachel replied accusingly.
“I was never in the habit of looking through Bob’s private mail. Not like you used to do, as I understand”. Janet felt that she had scored a point there. “Anyway, why do you mention her birthday?”
“We must find out how old she is. It could be interesting”. The significance of this remark was not lost on Janet.
It was then time to make their way to the hall where the wake was to be held. Since they were travelling in different cars it was not possible for Janet to quiz Keith on how it was that he knew about the existence of Carol and she did not, but she lost no time once they had arrived.
“Who is this Carol, and how do we know if she is genuine?”
“She is Bob’s daughter because he told me about her in strictest confidence” replied Keith. “She is the result of an affair he had with a married woman also working at DLC before he met you. She could not leave her husband, but Bob was happy to acknowledge paternity and never lost contact with her and her mother. I think he felt a degree of responsibility and wanted to make it up to her in some way”.