I woke this morning to hardly a sound, Then from my window I saw snow on the ground, Isn't it strange how snow blankets the noise, And then we're invaded by local boys, All throwing snowballs and shouting with glee, I'm staying indoors, they're not getting me.
That is excellent rhymer, in my humble opinion. I enjoyed the rhymes and the structure. I like the build up to a climax and then the sudden change of pace in the last line! The rhyme of noise with boys is great.
This is the sort of thing I like writing, to give you some idea of how daft we are on here:
The fish looked down as it flew along Coconuts are very strong But not so good as you and me For making toast and brewing tea.
I wonder why, but do not dwell Why kippers have a terrible smell Fins and bones and teeth I 'spose How can they smell so, with no nose?
I love to fly all on my tod Is this because I am a cod ? I also like to sing and mutter While eating jam on bread and butter.
The robin swam with grinning face " I do wish that I could change plaice With that fish up in the sky How grand it is to be so high. "
The stars swung down from lambent sky The cow looked up and said "not I, I don't think I could jump the moon Why not go and ask the spoon?”
The salty carnival in full flow Crabs and winkles row on row Davy Jones hoisting his sail Admiring the feathers in the prawn's cocktail
The squids went hand in hand in hand Just behind the rubber band "Why not brass?" did I hear? Could not stretch to it - too dear.
Now for a coconut I reach Stranded on a sandy beach When the tide comes in it will be bobbing Then eaten by the happy robin.
This is a very neat vignette that certainly brings a smile Like you I'm primarily an ode man and like you pay scant attention to strict form or meter as long as it flows along notwithstanding I am presumptuous enough to mention that the short 4th line seems to me to be a bit out of tune with the whole maybe "until we're invaded by loud local boys"
Great imagery of the snow, and the mention of the deadened sound is spot on. I don't understand the first thing about poetic meter, but it all read smoothly to me. The last line, with its change of mood, was a great twist. Those poor local lads, foiled again!
Thank you all for your comments and criticisms, with which I agree. Very constructive. Though I didn't understand the reference to a foot too long or Iambic Pantameter until I had a word with Mr Google, (marvelous chap) Something new learned today. Having read Richards example it reminded me of a piece I wrote about two years ago. I promise not to monopolize the poetry forum but I just had to submit it as my take on fantasy.