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Autumn
Nov 29, 2014 20:11:39 GMT
Post by richardk on Nov 29, 2014 20:11:39 GMT
Scenes of Autumn
The darkness expands, consumes the day. Cloud low on the hill, wraiths in the trees. Aspens tremble in the piercing winds, sycamore first to shed its leaves
Trees unbutton ready for storms. Twigs let fly leaves into the wind to a fiery death on the forest floor, or slicking the wet road, skids on the line
Make much mulch with the mudding earth The warmth awakes the early spring bulbs. Catkins exposed on naked trees, spring is ready, but winter comes first
Starlings flock in many murmurations. They wheel and swoop across the sky, await the signal to leave these shores. Empty cold wires, swallows all flown.
Children in wellies and warm winter woolies gambol in parks like early spring lambs. Squadrons of parents cluster to chat, coated and scarfed ‘gainst the westerly wind
Puddles in gutters reflect the weather, Nested in potholes, wets the walkers boots. Cyclists pedal, their lives on the line Buses hide people behind steamy windows
Frontier between summer and winter Insulates summer’s warmth from winter’s cold. Too cold for summer, too warm for winter My favourite season, Autumn.
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Autumn
Nov 29, 2014 20:16:18 GMT
Post by kayqt on Nov 29, 2014 20:16:18 GMT
Lovely imagery Richard. I love the 'spring is ready but winter comes first' line. It has a ring of optimism, spring is just waiting in the wings. Autumn's a great time of year, as long as you have a nice warm house to retreat to!
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Autumn
Dec 6, 2014 19:13:45 GMT
Post by john Watts on Dec 6, 2014 19:13:45 GMT
First I should say that my judgements are rather stuck in the early 19th century so I am not necessarily a good judge of other styles. However your poem is close to the sort of thing I like and try to write There are echoes here of powerful imagery as in your bereavement story which I was very impressed with. As a first draft they are all there which is good. However I am not sure it is in order to criticise presentation in a draft but as invited, here goes It seems to me there is possibly to many images which cramp rather than flow, as might befit a gentle autumn scene. I am not sure about-- line 4, “skids on the line”,“ nesting in potholes” Hope this is of some assistance Regards JW
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